Freak
by hellomynameisanonymous
Summary: No longer continuing.
1. Where It Started

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer wrote this series. Not me, okay?**

**This is my first Fanfiction story in a long time.**  
**I'm a bit rusty these days, and that's why I've resumed writing.  
I don't want to lose my creativity and the love I have for it.**  
**But please, be as critical about it as you'd like.**  
**Reviewing is required for that though, obviously.**  
**So review, review, review, mates!**

**This is completely different from all the other Twilight fanfictions you've seen on this site, I promise.**

**All human Twilight characters in this fanfiction.**

**Chapter One: Where It Started**

I look into the eyes of a girl walking down a familiar street, perhaps making her way to the nearest drug store or going shopping for clothes, once again. I'll see her smile inwardly to herself as she passes large, glass windows with decorative displays of items she can barely get her hands on. I'll stand my ground or find the nearest wall o hide against before she has the chance to get her eyes fixed on my red glazed hair and my brilliantly shaded green eyes. To avoid confrontation with a much anticipated admiration, I keep myself secluded in a nearby corner.

She could be the most attractive, most eye-catching, most outstanding creature to a regular man's eyes. But not to mine. No physical qualities could ever mean anything more to me than a thoughtless glance, unless that girl is named Isabella Swan, my best friend.

I remember back in our early childhood, we were in a nearby park outside of my house. Bella's mother, Renee, had wanted to come by to see Elizabeth Masen, my mother. And Bella would certainly come along to see me. We always had fun together, no matter what we decided to do. Even as kids, we spent our time wisely with each other. We were a different pair of best friends, and we both knew it. The way we looked at each other, tested each other, that competition building between us that was everything but normal -- we were too right for each other.

It was her companionship that struck me as a child; I had never seen anything like it.

The neighborhood bully, Frank Bowler, had always saved a piece of his anger for me. At the end of the day, it was all about teasing me -- little Edward Masen.

Bella took my hand, pulling me over to the swing set. "Come on, Edward!" That's when Bowler decided to show up.

His disgusting, light unwashed hair turned it from its natural color blonde to a muddy light brown. "Ay look! Masen's got 'imself a girlfriend!" he taunted with a nasty grin on his face. This kid could have been two hundred pounds for only eleven years old it seemed.

"Bella is not my girlfriend, Bowler," I said calmly, Bella's hand still in mine. I looked over to her, and her expression surprised me. Not a hint of fear was in her wide, brown eyes -- just concern.

We both watched as some of Frank's buddies came along. You could tell just by looking at them that they hung around with the bully. They could've been his blood brothers. "Oh, is that so, little Edward? Prove it then! Ditch her. Ditch her, and come with us," he smiled. "We'll teach you a thing or two about being in control."

I could feel my muscles tense up, my pulse soaring, but I had to keep calm. "No thanks. She's my friend. I'm staying with her." Just then, I felt a slight tug at my hand. I looked over at her, and I saw something in her I had never seen before. "It's okay, Edward. You can go. I'll just wait back at your house until my mommy says it's time to go."

I leaned over to whisper in her ear so that the bullies couldn't hear. "I don't want to go with them though!"

"Are you sure?" she asked sweetly. I nodded. "They'll be mean to you for the rest of your life!" she panicked. "I don't want that." She shook her head several times as if she had a head ache.

I turned to Frank, his fat face smug and confused. "I'm going back to my house. So long." I waved and thought that was the end of it... but I was wrong.

"Get back here, Masen!" Bowler shouted, coming straight at me. I turned to my best friend. "Bella, go back to my house. I'll be right there, 'kay?"

"I'm staying with you though, silly!" she laughed and clapped her hands together. Poor thing. She didn't get it. "Bella, run to my house." My peripheral vision was telling me he was getting closer and closer with every second I was taking to convince her.

"Bella, go! Now!" I screamed. I knew what Frank and his accomplices were capable of. Just one sit on you, and you were done for life. "Please Bella!"

And all that little girl did was look up at me, take my hand again, and smile. "We'll be just fine. You just see. You see." I didn't know what to do. I knew I definitely couldn't take on three fully grown boys and protect her at the same time.

And then it was too late. They were in front of us, and around us; there was no escaping now. "Not so smart, huh, Edward?" he smirked, his yellow teeth more prominent than ever, being this close.

"And look at this pretty little girly you've got here" -- another unattractive, beefy attempt at a smile -- "Oh yes, Edward, you pick 'em good. In fact, I think I'll take this one."

I gave him the dirtiest look I could manage, and scowled. "_You're not touching her_."

He laughed evilly, his eyes confident. "Masen, Masen, Masen. You don't get it, do you? Do you know how much stronger I am than your scrawny little body? Well, I know I sure do. And if someone's gonna do somethin' about this situation, it's gonna be _me_. Now step aside, and let me at her." I stood my ground. I was more outraged than scared, and all I could think of were ways to get her out of there.

"I don't think you understand," he breathed, clearly mad now, "when I say step aside, I mean step aside."

I took a step forward, looking straight into his eyes. And then I heard him. I heard his brain speaking, his lips never even twitching. _He wouldn't dare threaten me. He's just a scrawny little kid._

I felt myself grin. "What was that, Bowler?"

He looked me up and down with a clear disgust. "What, Masen? Did you hear me just talk? I don't think so, moron." _What a freak._

"I am not a freak," I bellowed.

"When did you hear me say that, fool?! I never even said that." _This stupid little kid is getting on my nerves._

"Why don't you just leave me alone then, Frank? You know... if I'm... getting on your nerves." I couldn't help but suppress a laugh, but then I started shaking. Violently. I felt myself crumble and before I knew it I was on the ground, out of control. What was happening to me? Why did I hear things he wasn't saying?

I felt him and his two friends back away slowly. "You... you're a freak, Masen, you know that?!" Frank shouted as he backed away from me farther and farther, until all three of them were gone.

"Edward? Edward! What's going on?" Bella screamed as she caringly ran over to me, feeling my head for a fever, just like any mother would do. "Edward, what happened? Are you okay? Why were you shaking like that? They could have taken me and gotten over with it like I wanted to. Are you stupid! They could have beaten you up, Edward! They would have! Goodness, Edward! Let's get you back to your mom's house..." More weird than anything, her rambling soothed me. Typical Bella. I couldn't help but smile at that thought.

I chuckled at her attempts to lift me up. "I -- I'm fine, Bella. I-I don't know what happened. I --" I couldn't scare her by telling her what had happened. She was my only good and loyal friend. The only one who had actually stuck around. And I was afraid that if I told her about the voices, she would never think the same of me again. We were so young. Even I was too young to understand it. I didn't think she could take it.

"Don't worry, Edward. We're going to go straight to our mommies and settle this or else I'll go straight to that fatso's house and strangle his huge neck before he can be mean to you again!"

Knowing Bella, I knew she wasn't kidding. She was stupid enough to get herself into unnecessary quarrels like that. And as clumsy as she was, I was sure she would never make it to his house without getting scratches from head to foot.

Holding my arm up, Bella helped lift me up onto my knees -- which were still shaking -- and then onto my feet, where I stood silently for a minute while she calmly waited. I always wondered how she did that... how she knew when to be quiet and give me time, and when to speak up at times I wouldn't get upset. That was the thing about my best friend. She was completely and utterly unpredictable and very, very absurd.

Supporting me the entire way, she never let go of my frame as we walked down the sidewalk and finally into my driveway. Once over the threshold, my mother came to get me, panicked. "My dear Edward. What happened!"

I didn't want to tell her the real story. She would only think I was weak, just like everybody else did. I didn't want her to underestimate me, too.

When I wouldn't cooperate, she turned to Bella. I panicked. She would tell my mother everything -- how the bullies had come after me, and her. How I couldn't protect either of us and how I had involuntarily started shaking out of no where without explaining.

"Bella, sweetie? What happened to him?" She smiled at Bella, and Bella innocently smiled back. I could tell what was about to come, and I braced myself.

"Well, Mrs. Masen, Edward wanted to show me a little part of the park with lots of grass and sunlight and everything. So I said okay and then we went to that certain place... when all of a sudden, out of no where from the woods, a big black gust of something appeared! I'm not sure what it was, Mrs. Masen, we couldn't see clearly. But we saw it, and Edward got in front of me to hide me so that whatever it was couldn't hurt me. All of a sudden, a big puff of air came our way, and knocked Edward off his feet and into the air. I was okay because he protected me, Mrs. Masen, but he was just shaking and everything and wouldn't stop so I told him, 'Edward, we have to take you home just in case' and so we did and then we ended up here!"

I had been holding my breath so long I forgot I needed air. I gasped with disbelief; Bella knew she was supposed to cover up for me. I couldn't believe it.

My mother turned to me, concern plastered on her face. "Is that true, honey? Did the wind do this?"

I blinked. "Wind?"

"Of course," she smiled. "I've been watching the forecast with Bella's mom here. Those weathermen say it's getting pretty windy here. After all, it is the Windy City," she sighed. "I can't believe that just the wind would cause this though. It must have been horrible out there; I wasn't paying attention to outside or anything. I'm so sorry, Edward, Bella. I shouldn't have let you go out when the weather is like this."

"Don't blame yourself, Elizabeth." Renee came out of no where, planting herself on the sofa and being kind as ever. I always wondered how she managed to raise Bella on her own. She was just as much a kid as her daughter was.

Of course, I had always been thankful for her rootless decision to move to Chicago from Forks. I felt a little sorry for Bella, though. She barely got to see her dad nowadays. I always figured girls needed father figures in their lives just as much as boys did. Divorce just seemed illogical to me. It wouldn't be necessary if you were mature enough to decide if that person was right for you or not. But that was the thing about Bella's mom; she wasn't into being mature. She wanted to be young forever, and never grow up. That was Bella's job, and she'd end up taking care of her mother instead of the other way around.

That was the day that changed my life, however. The very fact that I hear Bowler's thoughts and was too afraid to tell anyone about it was what bothered me the most.

But there was only _one_ person I wanted to tell, and I was so afraid of how she would react, though I already knew she was bound to be unpredictable. But I was sure her reaction would be the same as anyone else's; she freak out and run away. At least that's what I thought.

**Four Years Later:**

Four long, agonizing, painful years passed. Here and there, thoughts were heard and I would answer questions that weren't spoken out loud. A whole four years until I found that last bit of strength that resided in me, and dared to tell someone for the first time.

"Edward sweetheart, what's going on? You haven't been yourself for so long. Please, tell me," my mother begged, a slight pull of frustration tugging at her sensitive heart, eager to solve my untold mystery.

"I'm fine, Mom. And I am myself, really. I'm just going to go get a bit of fresh air. I'll be back soon, I promise," I sighed, grinning up at her with a smile that didn't cover my lips entirely. Bella called it my 'crooked smile.' I wasn't quite sure how to take that.

"Be home for dinner, Edward." I gave her a kiss on the cheek, and walked out the door onto the sidewalk. It was a fairly chilly day in Chicago, even for early fall. _I don't know what's happening, I don't know what's happening... How do I do this? How can I do this? I'm not ready yet. Go back home, Edward. Go back, _I pleaded myself. But that did no good. And for once, I was only heard my own thoughts, not someone else's. It was always hard to tell when I was or wasn't going to break into someone's personal mind. But it did seem that the more time that passed, the more inside voices I was able to hear.

I knocked on the door, my heart beating fiercely. But there was nothing to be afraid of. She wouldn't judge me. Not her. At least that's what I hoped... "She's upstairs, Edward," Mrs. Swan answered my thoughts. Who was the psychic now?

"Thank you." Without thinking, I ran up towards the stairs, secretly trying to word what I would soon explain to be a mind-reading fiasco.

I knocked on her door. "Come in!"

I entered, the involuntary smile masked onto my face; the one that refused to leave whenever I was around her. "Hello, Edward," she breathed a smile, looking up at me from a book she was reading.

"Dearest Bella, I kind of wanted to tell you --"


	2. The Truth

**I really just wanted to do the rest of the chapters in a third person ****POV****.  
I decided against it though. See the thing is, the first chapter was supposed  
to be sort of like a preface, just longer I suppose, and then the rest in third.  
But oh well, here it is. Chapter Two! :)**

**P.S. Thank you for the reviews (even though there were 4 ****haha****)  
and for the suggestions. (Very thoughtful of you.)**

P.S.S. I honestly don't know how the story's going from here, people!  
I'm really just thinking of cutting it short because I don't have a real plot in my head just yet.  
But I'm having so much fun with it, I don't want to end it so soon.  
So SEND ME A MESSAGE on here of your ideas. Couldn't hurt. :)

**Chapter Two: The Truth**

"About what's been going on?" she interrupted, her eyebrows knitting together in a look that appeared to be accusation. I despised it.

"Uhm... yes?"

"Well then, go ahead silly!" she nearly shouted. She was always too excited for some reason.

I rolled my eyes. "Bella, we're fifteen and you still call me 'silly'. Ridiculous." I threw my hands into the air as a reaction of such a drama.

She gently propped her elbows onto her bed, lifting herself up so she was sitting cross-legged in front of me, patting the extra space on her bed -- "Well you are silly, little Edward. A silly monster, that's what you are." -- I obeyed her command and sat next to her, my hands held tightly together, and because I was too afraid to face her, I stared at them intently.

"I'm sure I'm not supposed to be reacting this way," she sighed, leaning towards me, "so completely enthusiastic when I should be something totally different. But you know what? We'll get through it."

I couldn't help but look at her now, bummed with curiosity. "Through what, exactly?" I lifted an eyebrow.

"You know what I mean, Edward. We'll get through this... through... what's happening to you," she explained calmly. I didn't understand it. I didn't understand anything.

"And what is this I'm going through exactly, Bella?" I sat up straighter, making a 360 before facing her.

She looked up at me, and smiled. "How would I know? You're the one it's happening to." As if I didn't already know that.

"You know something," I smiled. I knew she did. And the way she spoke... the way it sounded as if she accused me,even. What nerve! "You know something, Bella. Please, share." Once again, a smile.

"I know nothing, and you know it." Her face became a hard, unpleasant mask; a look I only saw when she was extremely angry or upset. But what had I done? She could barely blame me for her unnecessary suspense.

"Calm down, Bella," I whispered, rubbing her back with my hand. "Please tell me? It would make me so happy. So very happy."

After a minute or two, her breathing evened out, and she looked up at me, her expression somber and simple. "You're not telling me, Edward. You're not telling me anything. You've been keeping something from me ever since we were just little kids, back in the day when we told each other everything. I think I should be the one speaking your words, Edward. _You _tell _me_." Her voice vomited acid as she spoke, and then I realized something: this had really hurt her. She not only knew that there was something terribly wrong going on with me, but she knew I had kept it from her -- that I had _wanted_ to keep this from her. The way she spoke, and the fact that my evasiveness caused the majority of her pain, made my heart ache, and I tried so hard in that instant to take it back.

I held my breath for what seemed to be forever. My eyes closed tight, my hands transformed into fists as they found their way to my temples. I loosened my jaw and said, "I don't know how to say it, Bella. I really don't. You want an explanation... no, you _deserve_ an explanation. I know I should have trusted you and confided in you -- you were the only good thing -- "

"Shhh," she sighed, "one step at a time, Edward. Little by little, that's all I want. Just take your time, nice and slow, just how we both like it."

I could only nod to that.

"May I ask you something first?" I asked.

"Depends, I suppose. But just go ahead," said Bella.

This was it. I exhaled deeply, and looked into her big, wide eyes. "Bella dear, do you remember that one day I took you to the park by my house a few years back?"

She nodded, already aware of what I was getting at.

"Well," I gulped, "that nasty Bowler bully and his little -- or should I say _big_ -- buddies wouldn't leave you alone. It frightened me more than you know, Bella. The way you were going to just let him have you! Just let him take you and keep me safe... it made me sick. I would have never let that happen anyway. But back to the point: while he repeatedly kept talking and talking with his arrogant threats, I kept thinking of ways to get you out of there. And then... he... he -- I just -- _heard him_."

I forced myself to look in her direction, and her face was expressionless as ever. Her hands were holding her chin, keeping her head up.

"You heard him," she whispered.

"Yes. His lips weren't moving, but his voice was speaking. At first I thought I was going blind," I laughed with no humor, "but then after he commented that he hadn't said those things, I knew it was a trick of the mind or some sort of unusual thing like that... All I could really think of since that day, was how to tell you."

"What would you consider yourself, Edward? A mind-reader?" she asked.

"That's what the general name for it is, yes. But Bella, it doesn't happen with every person all the time. It's only certain people, and only sometimes. People I've never seen or people I see almost everyday. It's always hard to predict whose thoughts I will or will not hear. Unpredictable." My explanation should have scared her, I knew that much. But when I continued looking at her, all I saw was curiosity.

"Can you read my mind?" I saw her get up from her position, and smile down at me.

"You're not scared? Bella... Bella how? You've got to be at least a little bit frightened by this... by me," I breathed, trying to grasp the fact that I could have had this off my shoulders four years ago. I was so stupid and so ignorant.

Bella would have never cared. I felt so ashamed for thinking otherwise; it gave me stabbing pains in my side.

"Edward, are you okay? You seem a little out of it. Well obviously I'm not scared. Why should I be? What would you do with your mind to hurt me? Even though I know you never would intentionally. Edward, you know I would never think any less of you than I do now. I've always felt the same about you. You are my friend, the best one, and I trust you."

"I don't believe this. I don't believe any of this, I must be dreaming. A very real, very good dream. Because in real life, it would never be this easy. In real life, I wouldn't feel this kind of relief you're giving me."

"Well... I guess I could just take all that back, then... "

"Oh, I love your jokes." I rolled my eyes. "No, Bella, you know what I mean," I said. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so, terribly, truly sorry. I knew, inside, that you would never judge me. I just... I concentrated on losing you. I could never, ever risk that, Bella. I can't risk losing something so dear and so completely precious to me. Can you understand that? I'm sorry, and I promise you, no secrets from now on." I placed my fist over my heart. "Cross my heart and hope you'll still tolerate me."

"You're forgiven, little Edward," she sighed, a small laugh escaping her lips. "But yes, that would be nice. No more secrets. How did you expect me to react, exactly? What, throw some silverware or glass objects at you?" I could see her on the verge of a giggle-fit.

"I said I was sorry, love. And well, yes... I guess so... Maybe without all the dramatic scenes though. A fit here or there but nothing too violent like you," I teased.

And then I gave her _the look_.

"No," she whispered. "Don't. You. Dare."

"Too late." And then it happened. I tickled her for two seconds and she fell off her bed and onto the floor, screaming with fear and excitement, and just at a little touch of my finger. Oh, how I loved the power.

"EDWARD!" she screamed, half laughing and half trying to punch me in the face, "Edward, stop! I mean it!"

I continued anyway. "No, you asked for it, Bella." I smiled, and after a few more minutes, I surrendered.

"You disgusting little --"

"What? Disgusting pig? Animal? Monster? Oh, we both know I'm one of those. We both know I'm a very creepy monster, indeed." I winked.

She pursed her lips, clearly frustrated and angry. "If you ever do that again, Edward Anthony Masen, I can assure you it _will_ be the last time as long as you live," she threatened.

I walked over to her, and grabbed her in a soft hug. "You wouldn't hurt me."

"Oh yes I would! Don't test me, Edward!"

I put my lips near her ear and whispered, "Shhh. You don't mean that. Not even a little bit," I sighed, rubbing her back with my thumb. For some reason, this had always been the remedy to calm her down. Nothing else ever seemed to work, for she was far too stubborn.

"I'm just saying," said Bella. "But ever again --" she pulled back to look at me and point a finger "-- and you_will_ regret it." She turned to the window, and turned back to me once again. "The weather's getting worse. You should probably be heading home now, since I'm assuming you walked here."

"You're probably right about that." I headed towards the door, made my way down the steps, and opened the front door.

"Now remember," she said, appearing suddenly behind me, "do not talk to any strangers that come your way. You either beat them up and dump them in the woods or yell until they're the ones running away. I don't want you going anywhere except straight to your house because of the weather, also. Understand?"

"Yes, _Mom_," I teased, walking out the door, and into a world with an atmosphere that slowly became darker and darker.

--

**Yes, I am sorry that it's kind of short.****  
****I'm out of ideas... sad, isn't it?  
This story wasn't a planned thing, so that would explain it.****  
****Oh, and for the people who actually take their time to read this,****  
****you should know that I am a very frequent updater. It's convenient.****  
****Thanks guys. Review please?**


	3. Don't Go

**This chapter really pulled at my heartstrings. I hope you enjoy it, and feel it, too.  
Notice the length of it. It took me a LIFETIME to finish. Are you proud?**

**  
Breaking Dawn comes out tonight at midnight.  
My friend just bailed on me so I'm going alone?! Haha. We'll see.  
Who else is going to the release party/getting it at midnight?**

--

**Chapter Three: The Bad News**

Bella was always different from any other person I've ever known, and I've always kept that around with me. There was something about her: the way she talked, the way she smiled, the way she cried and the way she laughed. In each and every way possible, she was simply different. Everything I've ever seen her do or say or explain has never ceased to amaze me at the least. When I say different, I literally mean... different. It's like everything she's ever been capable of doing has always struck me as being something more special and more unique than if someone else had done so. There would be times where I wouldn't know what to do with myself, and only she could be dumb enough to care, and want to know what was going on. That was the thing about Bella -- she was precious; in every way you could imagine.

After that day, life wasn't the same for me as it once had been. I saw someone I'd never set eyes on before, and whether or not I heard their thoughts, I smiled. I smiled at birds, I smiled at grass, I smiled at silverware, meaningless content that took up space in my house, I smiled at trees -- I smiled at _everything_. I just couldn't help myself. Telling Bella was the best thing that I could've done, and if I would have told her right when it happened, I wouldn't have carried this burden around with me for so long. Psychiatrists would call that period of my life depression, but seeing how optimistic Bella was about everything, I knew she would look at it and say, "Opportunity."

Time floated like air, the sun summoning it to the skies and sending down wind to further blow my red-brown hair into the messy clump it already was. It was simple, it was easy, it was fast. Yet, it was oddly enjoyable. That is... until just a few years passed. That's when time really began to change, and things started to crookedly fall into place...

**Two Years Later**

My time being with her was becoming more and more cramped, and it felt as if each time I saw her, it was always less than the last time. I hated it, couldn't stand it, and wouldn't tolerate it much longer. This was just testing my patience; it was cruel.

And things... they were changing along with the time itself. Things were becoming different, but I couldn't sense how that could be a good thing. How could this slight separation be a course of fate? It bugged me. Each and every day I had to convince myself that things were staying the same.

I knocked on her front door, and as usual, Renee answered. "Hello, Edward," she smiled kindly. _Poor boy. How will he handle it?_

I didn't know how to take that. "Hello, Miss Swan. Bella home?" I flashed her a smile.

"I... now's probably not such a good time. Maybe you should come back later." _Not now._

But her thoughts only provoked my curiosity. "It's important," I lied, "and if you don't mind, I'd really like to speak with her. Please, Miss Swan?"

"I don't know, Edward... I really think you should wait," she explained. I gave her a look of question, and she focused on everything but my eyes. "I'd really like to talk to Bella," I said, and right when I did, I saw a tall, young man walk to Renee's side.

"Who's this kid, Renee?" he asked, placing an arm around her waist. I was surprised. Bella had never told me about him before.

"Edward. Edward Masen." I gave out a hand, and he shook him with a firm grip. "Nice to meet you, Edward. My name's Phil... I'm sure Renee's already told you I'm her fiance."

Shock slowly spread across my face, and then anger. I had never even seen this man before, and now he was engaged to Bella's mother? "Actually, she didn't, but it's nice to meet you, too." With that, I brushed past them both, and made my way to Bella's room. I knocked like I always did, but there was no reply. I knocked again, and still nothing. "Bella?" I called, but she didn't answer. I turned the doorknob, and to no one's surprise, it was locked. "Damn it." Out of anger, I shut my eyes, held it tight, and pulled. With what seemed like no effort at all, I felt it slide into my hands.

I had just broken her doorknob. "Jesus!" I muttered.

"Edward?" I smiled. That was definitely her voice. She opened the door from inside, and came out looking unsurprised. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I just took it in my hands and it... well... it just kind of... _broke_."

She carelessly shrugged. "Nothing we can do about it now."

"Why weren't you answering me? I called you practically three times and no one answered," I said.

"I was sleeping," she yawned, cupping her hand around her mouth.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll come back tomorrow or something then. You just get your sleep --"

"Don't be silly. I'm already awake. Just come in." So I did.

There was something... strangely different about the way her room looked. The pictures and posters had been taken down from her wall; her desk's contents had been cleared; her closet empty. Yet another thing for me to find out. "What happened here?" I asked. "Getting sick of the decorations already?"

She shrugged. "No." I could tell she wouldn't tell me anything else, so I let it go... for now.

"Oh, Bella," I sighed. "It feels like I barely ever get to see you anymore, let alone spend much time with you. Why do you think this is?" I asked, brushing her red, cool cheek with the back of my hand.

"It's the way it is, I guess." With another shrug, her shoulders carelessly slumped over, not one bit of emotion being shown. That wasn't like her. She was always so happy, so full of energy. She was probably just feeling a bit sick today.

"That's where you're incorrect though, don't you think? I would like to be around you more often. I actually kind of miss you," I teased, lightly nudging her in the ribs, but she didn't laugh, nor did she attempt to.

After what seemed like an eternity, she spoke up. "You should go now. My mother will give you a ride if you'd like." Her offer seemed everything short of kind. What had gotten into her today?

"Well, would you like me to go? I guess I won't object to that, but can I at least have a decent reason?" I asked. She played with her fingers, something she did when she was nervous. Something was happening that she wasn't telling me about. She looked frightened, and I placed a long arm around her shoulders, comforting her. She didn't seem the least bit grateful.

"Come on, Bella. Please explain to me what's going on in that little head of yours, hm? I feel so confused already. And you know, I met some strange guy just now and happened to find out that --"

"Just stop talking, okay?" she snapped. "I don't need this from anyone right now, especially you. I don't need anyone reminding me of what's happening right now and I definitely don't want to be reminded about what is and what will happen to me from now on. I'm tired, Edward, can't you see that? Don't you have any idea what's going on?"

Her sudden outburst left me in a daze, but I shook my head, even more at a loss for words. "Tell me, Bella."

She walked over to her window, staring and observing the trees; she refused to make eye contact with me. "I can't be here anymore, Edward." She crossed her arms, and looked just as unfriendly as ever.

"What do you mean you can't be here? I don't get it Bella --"

"I'm done. I'm done with this, I'm done with everything, I'm done with _you_."

I could feel my eyes start to burn like acid, my stomach start to curdle. "Why, Bella?" I walked over to her, but she still refused to spare me a glance.

"Edward," she whispered, over and over, until finally, she told me.

"That man down there..." she started, "my mom's fiance... he's a good man, Edward. Maybe not so much someone _I'd_ pick out for Renee, but he makes her happy. I see that now. They may not have known each other long, but I'm sure they'll stay together. And you know what?" She finally turned to me, arms still crossed, her light eyes shining in the sunlight, boring into mine. "I don't want to be a burden anymore. I can see it in my mother's eyes... I get in the way, Edward. With me here, they're not as fully happy as I know they're capable of. You see because... to my mom, I'm just another person she _thinks_ she has to take care of with Phil around. You think I want that for her? Sixteen years and she's finally found someone who makes her eyes shine."

She fully turned to me this time, her eyes never leaving mine. "I'm not taking that away from her, Edward. And I definitely would never take anything from you." I understood what she was saying, but I couldn't speak. My lips wanted to move, but couldn't. They were sealed shut, and the horror was only beginning; I knew that.

"You can't leave," I whispered. That was all I could say. I knew I couldn't stop her, and I knew I wouldn't. "You can't. You can't."

She smiled without humor, and took my hand. "I'm moving in only a few days, Edward, to a place called Forks. It's in Washington, near Seattle, and I'll be staying with my father, Charlie." She smiled at me, but I found it quite hard to return. I felt sick, sad, and more alone than I ever thought possible. I'll be fine." But her technique of soothing me wasn't working. I was so afraid for her. My Bella. My sweet, innocent Bella felt this way because of her own mother.

"I'll be fine, Edward." She squeezed my hand, rubbing circles into it with her thumb. "I already told you Charlie's a cop. Nothing's going to hurt me."

I looked directly at her. When I saw her grin, my jaw tensed, and clenched itself together. "It's not funny," I whispered, now looking around her empty room, saddened beyond belief. Her smile quickly disappeared, and all attempts to cheer me up had vanished. My heart hadn't react this way since I could remember. In fact, I had never remembered a day that felt quite like this one. I knew I would never forget it; this would stick with me forever.

Pulling my hand out of hers, I took a seat on her bed, the only decent piece of furniture left in her life-deprived room. She stayed where she was, and I didn't have the strength to talk any further.

"I couldn't tell her," she whispered, ignoring my face again. I wasn't going to ask her what she was referring to, much less did I really care. She was leaving, and soon. Nothing would change that now.

Finally taking her place next to me, she put her hand on my back, and said, "I couldn't tell her that I wasn't going to leave here without you. I was so close, Edward. So close to saying those words that would completely change her mind and let her know that I didn't actually want to go. Then I thought about it more, thought about how much she needed her alone time with Phil. It would be everything, and there's no way I could spoil that for her."

I forced my mouth shut each and every time she said something that was pure ludicrous. This couldn't be happening. My Bella couldn't leave me here alone.

"Please," I whispered, closing my eyes once again. "Please, Bella." And after that, we both stayed quiet, her arms around me and my lips pressing against her hair. There was nothing left to say, this I knew. But I couldn't accept this as being reality. Not yet. Time passed yet again, the sun ran away and the moon came out, lighting up the dark night sky. She never told me to go home like she usually did at this time, worried that I'd get lost or get snatched up by predators of some sort. I constantly had to remind her of the strength that I had, physically. Mentally, I was a mess.

After what seemed like hours, I knew it was time to go. "When do you leave?"

She sighed, and opened her eyes. "A week."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why, Bella?" I asked, exasperated, "you know how much you mean to me, you do. You weren't planning on telling me, were you?" No movement. "You should have told me, Bella, you really should have. What if I came knocking on your door one day, and I find out that you'd moved all the way across the country, huh? Why would you do that, dear Bella..."

She looked into my eyes, and contemplated whatever it was she wanted to say. "I didn't want to hurt you." I thought about that for a long time, tongue-tied and speechless, immobilized and fearful for how I would survive. Ever since that day at the park, Bowler had obviously spread the word of what had happened, and the label of 'freak' was never used without association of my name. Bella saw me for what I was -- human, and I wouldn't have that in just a week.

"You could never hurt me, Bella. Not intentionally; I know you wouldn't."

"I'll miss you," she whispered. I closed my eyes, breathing heavily, lost in my thoughts. Just then, a hand reached my face, pulling it downward. "You know," she breathed, a sudden smile appearing across her face, "you have the most beautiful green eyes I think I've ever seen, Edward. Did I ever tell you that?" One eyebrow lifted, and I chuckled lightly, enjoying the moment.

"Maybe once or twice... a while ago." I smiled. "Why? Have you decided to be more emotionally open to me now?"

She slapped my arm. "Shut up, Edward! Just because I'm not as open as you... I just think your eyes are pretty, that's all." She played with her fingers once again. "I'm sorry."

I relaxed myself, leaning against the back wall, watching her. "I forgive you, Bella. I forgive you for everything. And I'll be here... when you... you know, leave next week. I promise I will be here."

After a while, she yawned. "I'm kind of tired. Edward!" -- I jumped up, awakened -- "Elizabeth is probably worried sick about you! You should at least have called her or something!"

I simply shrugged. "She knew I was coming here anyway. I'm sure she knows I'm fine."

We both layed down, in sleeping positions. She lifted up my arm, and put herself in them. "You can just stay with me tonight." Goodness did she shound like a little child again.

"Goodnight, my lovely Bella." With a kiss on her head and a final yawn, we both fell into a quiet slumber.

**--**

By the time I got home the next day, my heart had given my head some time to cool off; I wasn't nearly as tense, yet I felt anxious. Bella and I only had so much time. "Did you know?" I asked my mother, as she chopped vegetables in the kitchen. I had been right about her reaction: she wasn't worried at all. She was hesitant now, overthinking her thoughts, which I unfortunately couldn't read at this very moment. "Mom..."

"She wasn't ready for you to know. I knew Bella would tell you sooner or later... I wanted to stay out of it, and let her do her part. That's what she wanted." She turned to smile at me and all I could feel was completely infuriated.

"She wasn't even going to tell me, Mom! She was going to wait until the last minute because she absurdly thought it would hurt me to know any sooner. And you knew all along..." She walked over to me, and kissed my cheek lovingly. "I'm sorry," I said, "I'm just... upset. Bella's leaving for good next week. How am I supposed to do without her? You know how she's been, even Dad knows. She helped me and stood by me when nobody else would. And when she leaves, I won't have that anymore --"

"Shhh, my sweetest Edward," she soothed. "Bella thought she was protecting you. You think she wanted to leave you here, sweetheart, hm? Is that what you think?" I tried to speak, but she cut me off before I got the chance. "Just trust me on this, Edward. Bella loves you. She may not tell you that every waking moment you two are together, but you're her dearest friend, and I think that what she's doing for her mother is very selfless. Even if Renee is a bit... oblivious, Bella will make it through. She's a strong girl, and you'll see each other soon." Her words comforted me.

"Thank you," I said, as I walked into my room, dreading what little time I had left.

"Edward?" my mother called.

"Yes?"

She came in and sat herself beside me, putting a motherly arm around me. It reminded me of when I was a little boy. "Bella means a lot to you," she said. I looked up at her, and my eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"You could say that," I answered."

She grabbed my chin firmly, and made me look at her stern, serious expression. "Edward Masen," she threatened with venom, "what is Bella to you?"

"Bella... Bella is just... she's everything." I sighed. "Bella is..." I paused, not wanting to open up as much I might. I hadn't known this was coming, but this was my mother, the most respected person of my life.

"Just let it out, Edward, sweetie. Let it out, go on."

She let go of me, and I stood up, my back to her, and finished what I had started. "Bella is my world. When I'm sad, angry, frustrated, upset -- none of that even matters when I get to see her face. The way she comforts me, the way she makes jokes at the wrong time all the time, the way she still calls me 'silly', the way she still screams like a little girl when I tickle her --" I smiled at the thought -- "everything about her is absolutely magnificent, beyond words. I'll never meet anyone like her, and no one could ever take her place, or open my heart, the way she's been able to. She just has this way of making me feel invincible. Like I can do whatever I set my mind to. And only a few years ago, when I went through a tough time which you and dad know about, she was the one that constantly reassured me that everything would be all right. That I would make it out _alive_. How can I ever repay her for that, Mom? How is that possible? And now that she's leaving, I feel as if an entire piece of me will be gone. I don't even feel complete as of right now. The matter of whether or not I'll make it through always comes down to her. I love her. I love her more than life. She is my best friend and I would do anything to make her happy."

I felt my eyes start to burn, but I quickly blinked them away, remembering where I was, and with who.

I finally built up the courage to turn around, and face my mother, who was smiling up at me, more happy than I had ever seen her. "Edward, sweetheart. Your father is special to me as Bella is special to you."

I gave her my straight-up confused look. "But you and Dad are married. Bella and I are friends."

She gave me a pat on the shoulder. "Well," she said, "I think it's time that you give her a proper goodbye."

"Uhm, what?"

"When she moves to Washington, you want her to have something special. Something she'll remember you by, correct?"

"I guess so... But she'll have pictures and different little things I've given her over the years. You know that," I said.

"Something special," she whispered. She got up, kissed my cheek once again, and left my room, leaving me confused, once again.

**--**

"Crap!" I shouted, looking at the clock on my nightstand. I should've already been at Bella's house by now, watching her last movements near me. I climbed my way out of bed, the pieces of my heart pulling themselves away from each other. I put my nicest white dress shirt, light stripes complimenting its look, and dark-wash jeans. I stuck a hand in my hair and ruffled it around. "Perfect." I grabbed the tiny square box from a drawer beside my bed, and ran out the door, making my way to Bella's house.

I ran as fast as my legs could bare, as hard as my lungs would allow. My breath got caught in my throat, but hell, I didn't give a damn. "Hurry, hurry," I whispered to myself, my chest heaving up and down, up and down.

I finally reached her house, and the big, moving truck parked in front of it. I cringed with disgust, and ran into the yard. "Bella?!" I yelled. "Bella!"

"Edward?" I turned, and there she was, further into the yard. Once she caught sight of me, she ran towards me, grabbing me in a hug. "You almost missed us, we're leaving now."

"N-Now?" I stuttered in disbelief. "No," I whispered. "You can't go, Bella!" I cried. "Please, you can't."

She took my hand, tears softly filling her eyes. "I'm a big girl. You're going to have to trust me on this. Trust me to do something right for once." I couldn't say anything at that moment, nothing would be right, anyway.

"Bella!" Renee called from the front door, "your flight leaves in an hour. We better get going. Oh, hello, Edward! I'm so glad you came in time to say goodbye."

"So am I."

"Well," she said, "I'll let you two talk. Phil, come on!" And she disappeared back inside.

"I wish this day didn't have to come," she said. "I wish I could just see you every single day like normal, but you know what?"

"What?" I forced myself to ask, my lungs giving up on me.

"I thank God everyday for letting me have you in my life for seventeen years, Edward," she said as she stared off into the woods. "That's more than I deserve."

"Bella," I breathed, taking her face into my cold hands, "You deserve more than what you have. You deserve everything good in life that comes your way, understand me?" She nodded, tears spilling over. I could barely control myself.

"Listen," I said, getting her attention once again, "I... I wanted to give you something." Reaching into my back pocket, I pulled out the same square box that had been buried in my room.

"Edward... you didn't have to..."

"You're right. I needed to." I held it in front of her, and opened it, watching her expression with delight. Her mouth opened wide as it could, resembling an "O", and a smile crept upon my face. "Do you like it?" I asked. She took out the silver ring, a whole crystal-stone heart residing in the middle, with slight color in it.

"It's... it's... it's beyond words, Edward." She looked up at me, noticing my smile. "Thank you." She laughed.

"Look closely," I said. I took it from her and gently pulled the heart apart. "It's magnetic on the inside," I explained. "You can pull them apart, but no matter how hard you try, they're always going to come back together, to form a whole piece. Does that remind you of anything, Bella?"

"Well of course it does, silly!" she perked, wiping a tear from her face. "It reminds me of me and you, and how bizarre we are." She giggled sadly.

"And if you look on the inside..." I turned it over, peering in. "You can see the imprints." She took a look at it, and was further amazed. I felt quite good about it. "_My Bella_," she whispered, reading the print. "That's incredibly kind of you."

I took a good look at her, memorizing her face at this very moment. "I'm really going to miss you, sweet Bella." I took her into another bear hug, but it was more meaningful this time. "I love you, sweetheart," I whispered.

This time, her crying wouldn't stop. "I love you too, little Edward. Take cake of yourself okay? R-Remember what I said about n-no talking to s-strangers. They're no good and... and be good. And I'll see you soon."

"Don't go, Bella." Before I could control it, tears were swelling up in my eyelids, and if I blinked, they would fill my cheeks with salt, and my heart with sorrow. "Don't go."

"Goodbye, Edward." She seperated herself from me, making her way towards the car.

"Bella! No!" I grabbed her into my arms. "Bella, please, you can't. I don't know how to live without you. I don't. I'll be lost without you!"

"You'll be fine, Edward," she said, brushing my tears off my face which wouldn't give up anytime soon. I hadn't realized it until just now. "Shhh, we'll both be okay." Standing on her toes, she leaned towards me, giving me a brief, sweet kiss on the lips. "I love you."

I didn't know how to feel, what to feel, what to think. I was in a daze; I had least expected that. What was going to happen now? My body ached. She couldn't leave me here. Not here. Not alone. Not now. Not ever.

"Don't go. Don't go," I muttered.

"You will always be the best part of me," she whispered in my ear. Her, Phil, and Renee entered the car, and I blankly stood there, numb.

_I'll be there for you when the sky falls down__  
__I'll be there for you when no one's around__  
__I'll be there for you when there's no way out and you're down__  
__and you frown__I know life won't go your way__  
__and you never know what to say__  
__when you have nothing left__  
__I'll still love you more__I'll be there for you through your deepest fears__  
__I'll be there for you 'till the smoke clears__  
__I'll be there for you when you see no end and your friends__  
__are all gone__I know life won't go your way__  
__and you never know what to say__  
__when you have nothing left__  
__I'll still love you more__You could turn your back or run a thousand miles away__  
__I'll be waiting for you with nothing left to say but__I'll be there for you when nothing can go wrong__  
__I'll be there for you when you sing a joyful song__  
__I'll be there for you when your smile lights the room__  
__and your gloom is all gone__I know life won't go your way__  
__and you never know what to say__  
__when you have nothing left__  
__I'll still love you more_

The car started to move. "Bella!" I shouted, but it kept moving. "Bella, please! Come back, Bella! Come back!" She turned to look at me, and before I knew it, the car vanished.

She was gone.

**--**

**There For You – The Undeserving.**


	4. To Be Lonesome

**Hate me.**

**-----**

**Chapter Four: To Be Lonesome**

It was so much easier for me then. I could do whatever the hell I wanted and not get one disapproval or sign of concern, which made it less hard, of course. My instincts were fading; putting up with others was a lot more endurable than putting up with myself.

It was Winter; trees resembled skeletons, leaves disappeared; the mountains that were easily seen were covered in a light layer of sparkling white and my mood was rather pissed and groggy. I hadn't gotten much sleep last night, and I was simply... bored.

I headed over to the grocery store for some energy drinks and couple other items. I didn't have much money. I was lucky just to _have_ money. But who cared about that? Energy drinks, that's all.

I entered aisle five, grazing all the different options. Taking more notice, it came to my realization that there were a lot more to choose from than I had expected. But no. I wanted the _one_. The one I had come here for. The one I had an actual intention of buying. But where the hell was it?

Looking, looking. Scanning, finding. There it was. _Finally_, I thought. Any longer and I would've blown my top off. What sick people would hide this certain energy drink all the way over here?

Assholes.

I brushed through aisle after aisle, drink in hand, doing nothing. Just walking. Searching. But for what?

"Excuse me, may I help you?" I heard a high-pitched, slightly squeaky voice beside me, matching the blonde girl with bleach blonde hair and a tag taped to her shirt to indicate she was a worker here. _Mmm, I'd like to have some of that. Look at that face. But what about his eyes...._ "Sir?"

Her distinct evaluation of my looks left me vomiting in my insides, and I couldn't help but quietly gag. No one had ever found me attractive.... Not normally, anyway. "I'm fine, thanks," I answered coldly, turning back to the items I was facing. But I couldn't see them. Everything was such a blur.

She cleared her throat, and I rolled my eyes. A little more of this and she'd be sorry.

But wait.

I was Edward Masen. I shouldn't be thinking like this. Especially about some random girl.. _woman_. I'm sure she didn't mean any harm. Damn it, she only asked me if I needed help. I pulled myself together.

"I just need to uh... buy some things," I answered, coughing. I backed away, holding both hands up, drink still in hand. "I'm sorry, I should go," I murmured. "Thanks anyway." _Come back! _I could tell she had more --- a _lot_ more --- to say, but I continued walking to the nearest check-out. I was disgusted. This never happened.

I bought the energy drink and before I could completely walk out, I opened it and chugged half into my system. I looked up and instantly smelled something. Smoke.

I turned.

At least four people were out here, smoking their little cancer sticks, thinking their life depended on them. Further disgust pushed itself into the pit of my stomach, but I swallowed. How many people actually smoked these days, anyway? It was terrible.

And Bella hated the smell. I gulped, pulling myself back together. This was ridiculous. Not to mention _silly_. I closed my eyes at the word, remembering her voice. The way its velvet tone smoothed the angry lines from my face and caressed me into a soft slumber. I needed that now.

No. No I didn't. I was just fine. Five blocks and I would be home. I would be home, and nothing would be coming to get me.

I started walking.

-----

"Mr. Masen? It isn't nap time, no. Not in my class." I was awoken by a deep, annoying voice. It was Biology, the worst of all subjects in the history of subjects. I sighed. School was such a waste of time. Nothing to do. You never actually _learn_ anything, anyway.

"Can you give me an adequate answer to that question, Mr. Masen?" the teacher asked.

"I don't know the question."

"And why do you think that is, Edward?"

"Perhaps I fell asleep. Obviously a man as smart and intelligent as you can see that." I smirked. Like I cared.

"Mr. Masen," he breathed, trying to keep his cool, "do not give me your teenage testosterone-filled answers today. I am not in the mood. Now tell me, why is vision lost when light hits the blind spot?"

I inhaled. Closing my eyes, placing my hood over them, and laying my head back onto the desk, I answered, "Light is only interpreted when it excites photocells in the back of the eye located on the retina. These photocells are commonly known as 'rods' and 'cones'.The blind spot is a place on the eye where the optic nerve, which is a nerve that carries visual information to the occipitial lobe of the brain, and connects to the eye. And because of this nerve there are no rods or cones here. Thus there are no photocells to interpret the light hitting the eye in that area."

When no one answered for the next 30 seconds, I did. I looked up from under my hood, and lifted my head off the desk just an inch. "That answer your question?"

I saw him eye me from under his thick, round, ugly glassed, observing me. "Fine. You got lucky this time, Masen. Any more of that attitude though, and it's off to juvie with you!"

I heard the class explode with laughter, but I didn't find anything funny. Oh well.

I headed to my locker as soon as I could, grabbing things I thought I needed, putting books back, putting some more in. Same old boring as hell routine. I put a pair of headphones on my ears and blasted 'Supermassive Black Hole' by Muse when I felt a light tap at my shoulder.

Never releasing the music from my ears, I turned. Standing in front of me was a tall girl, maybe my age. Her cascades of blonde curls reached her waist, and she held a pair of text books in her hands.

Whatever.

Turning back to my locker, I put my own books inside, got out a stick of gum, and began to chew.

"Excuse me?" I heard a high-pitched, mature voice, but it drowned out with my music. "Hello?"

This girl was getting annoying.

I turned and looked her in the eye, glaring. "What?" I could feel the venom in my voice, the disgust in my tone. Why was I being so rude?

"I was just hoping you could help me open my locker... I'm new here... I... I'm Amanda." She held out a perfectly manicured hand, and I stared at it, wondering what to do. I looked at her, my eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

She pulled her hand back in its place and stared at the floor. "Nevermind," she whispered, and walked away.

"Whatever." I continued chewing, shut my locker, and headed the opposite direction.

"Hey, Masen!" A deep voice called my name, and I rolled my eyes, but turned around emotionlessly. It was Mike; he liked --- no, was _obsessed_ --- with Bella... with my Bella.

"What, Newton?" I continued to walk down the narrow hallway.

"Listen, I know we're not close and all, but I'm having a party at my place tonight. Maybe it'll be a good way for you to loosen up a bit ---"

He shut up when I gave him a stern look. He backed into a wall, and I shielded him threateningly. My voice turned to black as I whispered, "Do I look like the type of guy to just go out and party all night, have sex, get AIDS, and die? Trust me, Mikey, I have better things to do." He backed up, and eased his way around me, power-walking away, looking back then and again.

I continued walking into the darkness, not wondering, not caring about my surroundings. Headphones still stuck in my ear, I contemplated something.

Life.

And what an adventure it should be for me. How I should lose myself, just like any ordinary seventeen-year-old teenager.

"Hey, Newton!" I shouted, grabbing his attention. He turned, frightened.

"What time's the party?"


	5. Let Loose

**You deserve this chapter.**

-----

**Chapter Five: Let Loose**

I was sure of what I was doing. Everything felt right, and in synch with my mood, my thoughts, my feelings. I was focused, content, _alive_.

The boom of the music nearly shot my ears to Hell, not giving me the time to adjust properly. I knew that after this was all over, I may have regrets. But I didn't care enough to do anything about that. I was here now, and turning back simply was not an option. I loved it. I didn't need time, for anything.

I remember sitting, the couch smelled of cigarettes and I sensed vulgar language, inappropriate actions. Activity such as this would have been so wrong, so disapproved of in Bella's eyes....

I cocked my head to the side, scratching the ominous --- I felt bad for saying it --- thought it my head; it felt numb, dizzy, and disoriented; I couldn't get enough..

She walked up to me --- who she was, I have no clue.

But hey, who cared?

"Let's dance." She held her hand out to me._ What a face._

I was just about to reject, when suddenly I remembered my reason for coming here. Live it up, I told myself.

Without looking at her face, I took her hand and placed it in mine, moving deeper and deeper into the wild crowd of dancing bodies. I could feel my hair moving in different directions as my head shook violently, in balance with the waves of nonsensical music and tunes.

I didn't allow myself to feel. I simply moved with what felt right; I let myself believe that this was where I belonged, where I deserved, and longed to be. I felt myself intoxicated with each and every step on the dance floor I took; my eyes began to close, my hands fall in my hair, my hips swing to the beats.

I was losing it.

As soon as my lids covered my eyes, I knew I had made a huge mistake.

Bella, her soft, full lips, saying my name; her dark brown hair, her chocolate-filled eyes; her soft touch....

I forced my lids open, and internally cursed myself, when I felt a hand take mine again.

"Hey, you're not so bad." A girl --- the same one who had brought me here, I guessed --- was complimenting me, once again.

I pushed her disgusting thoughts into the very back of my head and tried focusing on something more important. And once I realized what that was, I pushed myself from that, too.

I had no escape.

The peculiar woman seemed to notice my hesitance, because before I knew it, a hand was snaked around my waist.

"Come on, babe, let's move."

"Excuse me?" I spat, unafraid to show my disgust. Who did this little girl think she was?

_All you need is a strategy. Use anything... anything and everything. Lure him upstairs, you can do this!_

Her attempts at boosting her level of self-esteem made me want to laugh in her face, but that would cause for an explanation, and I didn't have the time nor the need for that.

I moved further into the crowd, hoping to dispose of this annoying creature. But everytime I turned around, there she was. Again and again and again. She wasn't going to give up... at least, not without a fight.

"And where do you think _you're_ going?" She placed both hands on her hips, her lips puckered in an annoying fish-like grimace. She really did think she was all that and a bag of Doritos.

I rolled my eyes and moved on, taking random right and left turns....

What an uncreative strategy.

It seemed that only made this more of a challenge for her. She continued to find me time after time, and I finally gave up, and danced where I was, her never leaving my side. I pouted.

_Oh, how cute that face is. Mmm, give me._

Ew. I could only guess what images she had this time. I turned my back towards her, and looked for anything as a temporary distraction.

Mike.

"Newton!" I shouted, but he couldn't hear me. He was too busy with some dark-haired chick to notice. I shouted to him again. He cocked his head and caught sight of me, not sure whether or not he should run for it, but I took no chances. I headed towards him, and the girl seemed to slightly back off a bit.

"Masen," he breathed. "Surprised to see you here... after, uh, what ocurred in school ---"

"I apologize for that; I lost my temper. It won't happen again."  
Another boom in my ears.

"Yeah, well... I see you've got yourself busy." He arched his head behind me, and I rolled my eyes so far back into my sockets I thought they'd literally fall back into my skull.

"Actually, I've been trying to get rid of her the whole night. Do me a favor... ?"

"No problem." And he was gone. I never saw the blondie after that, and I was thankful. I owed him one.

I walked over to the punch bowl, ladling myself a cup and vigorously pouring it into my parched mouth. I wondered what time it was. I searched for a clock, but to my surprise, there were none.

I took another big gulp, my tongue satisfied. The room got darker --- why were they turning down the lights?

I continued drinking the red liquid until my stomach gurgled pleasantly, my eyes wide, yet all I could see was fuzz. I ruffled my hair, or so I thought --- it seemed I temporarily lost my sense of touch. Funny. Wasn't that there just a second ago?

My thoughts started racing. And all I could see was her.

I smelled her floral scent; the way it made me close my eyes and imagine her smile, her laugh, her sillyness; the way she patted me on the back whenever I wasn't in good shape; the way she comforted me when I was down; how lost I felt some days until I had seen her....

I heard a blurry murmur, and a foggy shape came crawling towards me.

"Maaaaayssssssseeeeeeeen," they said. What? Why? Why were they speaking like that?

"Maaaaay ---" they continued, but it didn't make sense. I wasn't a child, couldn't they see that?

My head suddenly felt dizzier than I could have imagined. I tried to hold onto something --- anything stable, but to my avail, I couldn't touch, more like feel anything. My eyes closed once again, and darkness took over, leaving me clueless.

**-----**

"Masen? Masen, wake up man." I heard a rush of voices scurrying their way into my brain. From where I was, all I could see where the flush of bright red inside my eyelids. I tried to speak, but I couldn't find my voice. I thought of where I might possibly be, and why I felt like I just came out of a coma. I didn't understand at the moment.

"Masen?"

My eyes fluttered open. I heard sighs vibrating from every corner of the room --- it was dark, and _full_ of people. I rubbed my head, and saw Newton in front of me. "What happened?" I groaned. I had a terrible headache.

I continued to look over the room, several different faces hovering over me. I was sure there were more. "I don't know," he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "You just collapsed out of no where. You... you look awful, Masen."

I knew he didn't mean to be rude. Even if he did, I would have excused it. I was in no mood for a fight when I could barely think straight.

"Where is he?" I heard a high, thrilled voice coming closer and closer towards me, but I couldn't make out who it was. In the distance, I saw a head of golden blonde hair and moaned.

This was the annoying girl I'd seen at my locker... was it just today?

She stopped in front of me, and I felt defenseless simply lying down. I pushed my weight onto my elbows, but she put a hand on my chest. "Are you sure you're well enough to stand? You might want to rest just a few more minutes."

"I'm fine."

I balances my weight onto one hand while I tried to stand fully straight in one movement, but it just wasn't happening. I nearly collapsed again. "Here, let me help you ---"  
"I don't need help." I thought I had spoken in a whisper, but apparently she heard me. Her arm recoiled from its extended position, and she stared at the floor, embarrassed.

I sighed. "Well, I suppose I could many use a hand or something." I had to force myself not to roll my eyes. She might catch me again. Her eyes brightened at this slightly, and I took her hand once more, moving toward the exit.

"Later, Newton."  
"You sure you don't want a ride to the hospital or something ---"

"I'm fine, thanks." I exited the basement, and walked right out the back door. I saw more people sitting on couches; some watching TV, others making out on the sofa. Didn't make a difference to me. I just needed fresh air and a good ride home.

I was on the sidewalk when I heard footsteps catching up to me, correlating with familiar thoughts. _Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up._ I didn't bother turning around. Within seconds, the same girl was at my side. I noticed it was difficult for her to catch up. I didn't slow my pace.

"Do you need a ride home? I'd be very willing to take you," she muttered, less quiet than before.

"I'm fine, don't worry," I said.

Her head tried to come up with excuses on why I needed her company. "You sure? It's really not a problem."  
"I'm sure." I tried keeping my tone as light and fluffy as possible. "Thanks though."

She shrugged, her face indifferent despite my answer. She did not leave me, and did not ask anymore questions; she simply walked --- rather ran --- next to me, her arms swinging carelessly at her side.

"Umm, maybe you should go back to the party. You know, get your car and drive home or something," I suggested. Why was she here? Couldn't she see that all I wanted to do was go home and sleep my life away?

"I'm sorry," she whispered. I thought I heard her voice crack, but when I turned to look at her, her face was as calm and somber as ever.

"Do you... need anything? I just thought you'd like to know your car is back that way," --- I pointed behind us, coming to an abrupt halt --- ,"and it's dark. It's not safe... um..."

"Amanda. I'm Amanda."

"Edw --- Masen. My name's Masen. But really, get back. My house is just around the corner ---"

"I don't mind walking you there," she said. She wasn't going to quit, and her persistence irritated me, made me frustrated with sickness. It took everything I had to not blow my top off.

We continued walking. "That was pretty scary out there. You just sort of blacked out for about five minutes. Mike was freaking out --- didn't know what to do, or rather, what would happen to him if the cops had to come. He wasn't supposed to have this party tonight." My peripheral vision told me she was staring straight ahead, maybe wondering where I lived. To stalk me? But she didn't seem like that type of person. What did I know, though? I didn't know this girl.

"Yeah, I'm not sure what happened...." I trailed off. "But oh well. It's done now, over, and I feel just fine. And honestly, I'd feel much better if you turned around now... please." I liked that I was being nice. I wanted to give myself a pat on the back. What kindness.

She shrugged. "Nice meeting you, Masen." With that, she trotted back to the very edge of the sidewalk, and continued on; back to her vehicle, I was sure.  
Thank God, I thought. Peace.

I turned the corner, entering the home that was strangely unfamiliar to me nowadays. I barely even saw it anymore --- just the crackled white paint, the chipped chunks of wall on either side... It was all just a big mess and none of it belonged to me, or so it seemed.

I hadn't felt wanted or that I belonged anywhere lately, not even here. I shut people out --- I was good at it. My mother was worried, sickened by my reaction since the incident....

The incident that mentally caused my life. I knew I wasn't the absolute best kid there was, but I didn't think I deserved this much anguish and mourning. She was gone.

I was just waiting for the day that I would come to accept it. I sighed, knowing the real truth behind that question.

It would never come.


	6. Decisions

**If you somewhat liked or had a general opinion on this chapter, for the love of God, REVIEW ! :]**

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**Chapter Six: Decisions**

I had been thinking constantly, over and over, my mind racing as I contemplated and calculated all of my options. What I knew for certain was that I didn't have much time; the clock was ticking, and I figured that nothing else mattered but what I had to do. It was no longer a maybe-maybe situation. I had to find my girl, and that was all I could focus on.

And then there was school. High school was always a huge deal to my parents. Education comes first, they'd constantly tell me. But I didn't care. Education would be nothing if I wasn't enjoying it, anyway. It was just a huge joke, no big deal. Some of the most highly paid and well-known people out there didn't even finish highschool.

I figured I'd be one of those few people.

Now what I needed was a strategy. I didn't want my parents to freak out, call the cops, and then be found and fined. That was the last thing I needed. But without escape, I just had no other choices. I had to do this carefully, delicately. My life could be on the line.

I put most of my important necessary clothing into a black, hollow backpack. I was surprised to see how much it was capable of holding.

My father came from generations of businesses that made a fair amount of cash. Though he was never willing to admit it, he could've been a millionaire without working. But he led by example, and wanted to show me that in order to get what you want in life, you have to be a hard-working over achiever, and put it in your hands.

My mind was made; even if there was that option of going back still, I knew that soon enough, there wouldn't be. There would come a point where even if I changed my mind, it would be too late, and I thought about this very hard, but in the end, my mind was just as unchanged as ever.

In the morning, I headed down to the nearest AAA and got specialized directions --- what transportation to take, what shortcuts there were, price ranges, etc.

"You taking a road trip with some friends?" the woman at the desk asked as she continued helping me; she was a nice person, from what I had judged.

"No, ma'am," I answered. I didn't feel like giving myself away.

"Oh, with family then." A smile lifted the corners of her lips, and she thought she was correct. But I didn't want to tell her --- I was sure that once I was gone, my parents would be here, interrogating, asking detailed questions.

"Right," I agreed. I felt a bit of guilt for lying.

"Why not just take a plane? It would be faster and easier, and you'd get little snacks that you wouldn't have to pay for."  
She saw my eyes disagree and then held up her hands to stop me. "Just a suggestion." She shrugged.

But I could take a plane if I really wanted to. I had the money.

Well, I was _going_ to have the money.

After I received the information I needed, I knew there was really only one thing left to do. I sat on a random sidewalk in my neighborhood, held my head in my hands, and thought. I couldn't steal money that wasn't mine. It would be wrong; _I_ wasn't that type of person. I was actually much better than that. Seeing Bella though, that was the goal here, I told myself what seemed to be a hundred times.

My parents had always been hard-working; my father worked day and night some days. And I was more than willing, almost, to simply take a speck of that away.

The goal, I remembered, the goal. What's the goal, Edward? I asked myself. The goal is to see Bella, be with Bella.

Bella.

I stood up, making the rest of my way home.

-----

I stared at its black leather for hours, thinking and rethinking and overthinking about what I wanted and what I needed. Sometimes, your wants are your needs, and you have to do whatever possible to get to where you want to be.

But I just felt so _guilty._

I knew what I had to do now, but a part of me still seemed to be somewhat reluctant. I continued to talk to myself; it was easier to breathe that way.

"Take it," I breathed. "Do it, Edward." I reached my hand out, but instantly pulled back once my fingers touched the wallet. "One, two....."

I grabbed it, took all the cash I could, blank checks included, and set it back down as fast as my fingers could move. I didn't dare check how much I had took, but from the feel of it, it seemed to be too much; I peeked and saw wads of hundreds gushing in my palms.

"This is worth it, Edward. This is worth it." My mind wouldn't shut up, but it was helpful. I needed to be distracted.

Now for the letter....

_Dear Mother and Father,_ I wrote.

_I know you're probably very worried right now. I don't blame you, but I beg you to listen and finish this the entire way through before doing anything irrational._

_I have come to the conclusion that life is simply not something you can just fool around with. I have made many, many mistakes in the past. I have learned, grown, suffered, and somewhat felt happiness. But that's the whole point: joy. I don't have that anymore. I know you know exactly what that entails, as that is the reason for my absense in the first place._

_I don't want to drag this on, but to put it short and sweet, I have gone to find my happy place. I want to know what it feels like to laugh again, just because I want to._

_I love you both so much, and thank you for being such amazing parents._

_See you soon,_

_Edward_

I grabbed an envelope and gently placed it inside, careful not to leave any unnecessary marks or creases. After sealing it, I kissed it, and murmured, 'Love you.'

I departed tonight.


	7. Beginning of the Search

**This is for the reviewers. You deserve it. Sorry it took me so long.**

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Chapter Seven: Beginning of the Search

Did I ever mention I hate driving? Well I do, terribly. All the signs you must follow, all of the different pathways and streets and roads and directions and nonsense. It just doesn't make sense. Why five routes? Why not just one? People get lost that way, you know. People like me. I tried to tune into someone's thoughts as I entered just another major highway. All I knew was that I had entered Utah already, and was trying to get into Salt Lake City.

Next exit and into Salt Lake... finally, a woman breathed. I didn't want to look over and see who, for I feared I might completely swerve off the road.  
The drive being long and tedious, this I knew I'd have to deal with. But who knew it could be so expensive. I gobbled up every snack I'd brought with me, and was hungry pretty much every few hours. I would never get to her at this rate.  
Driving had gotten _slightly_ better, though I didn't see how it could get any worse. I had never been one to sit in one place for too long, and with the task of what I had to do always on my mind, the hours seem to lengthen by the minute. _Keep going, keep going, keep going, _I murmured to myself. Not much longer until you are where you have to be.

-----

_This wasn't how I pictured it. I was sure I was on my way to the right place. I was sure I was going exactly where I needed to be. How did it get like this? What led up to this?_  
_All I had done was get tired and pull over onto a deserted street as night pulled over me. How was I supposed to know that a place that could look so inviting would turn into the exact opposite?  
_"Why are you here?" a dark, clouded voice rang in my ear.  
Had I just passed out?  
My eyes were jacked up, my vision foggy. I couldn't remember the last time I'd drank some water as I lifted my hand to feel my parched, dry throat.  
"I expect you to answer me!" the voice rang again, and before I could take note of what was happening, a hard, blunt object blew its way right into the square of my face, nearly knocking me unconscious again.  
"I... I don't know. What's going -- " but a strong, firm hand made its way around my throat, threatening to choke me harder than it was already.  
"Answer the question," the man forced. I couldn't believe his voice could manage to be so incredibly _deep_.  
"I'm telling you," I answered, then stopped mid-sentence. Around my midriff, a rope was present, tying me to a chair. What had happened?  
"How did I get here?" I asked, the anger rising in my blood, the fury burning the cells within every inch of my body.  
"I'll ask the questions you son of a worthless bitch," he spat -- literally _spat_ -- at my face. "Tell me," he breathed, so close to my face that the liquor bouncing off of his breath literally made me want to vomit right there, "what were you doing parked on our side of the street at two in the morning?" I could feel the blood running from my nose, cascading down to my lips. I didn't dare open my mouth, but I felt I must. How else would I be able to get out of here without becoming another beating bag?  
"I...," I mumbled, "I was falling asleep," I whispered. I felt my eyes stinging with not fear, but subtle sadness. I had always been ready to defend myself when being called rude names, but never when it came to this kind of abuse. I bit my bloody-covered lip. I was a man now. I had to learn to deal with it. "What's your problem?" I pressed.  
The man leaned back, standing straight at his full-length. I looked up at him now, not with fear, but with disgust and hatred. I truly hated this man. He wanted to destroy me -- he wanted to keep me from doing what I was supposed to, and for that, I hated him.  
He rolled up his sleeves, and I would not prepare myself for another blow. "Don't touch me," I whispered with so much venom in my voice it surprised even myself. Looking up, the man gave me a look I was unsure about -- clearly he was surprised, but there was something else under that facade of a mask. There was something sincerely suspicious about him that I couldn't put my finger on.  
Then, without warning, he smiled down at me. Leaning forward, he stood around me, and unloosened the tie that was holding my hands behind the chair. Once free, I pulled them back where they should have been, and stretched. All kinds of popping noises erupted from my knuckles.  
"Hmm," he grumbled. He stood underneath a nearby light, and I realized he was completely bald. A poor mustache hung above his lips; he wasn't the most attractive guy around, and when he smiled, I shivered. I realized it was not something he was used to doing.  
"We could use someone like you, boy," he muttered, still whispering. "Come with me." And he began to walk into a dark tunnel, not looking behind him.  
I stood up, ready to escape the opposite way. "The only place I'm going," I said, "is back to Bella!"  
And I ran. I ran and ran until I was sure he had no clue where I was, or where I was going, or what I was after. There were two routes to get out of that small opening of a room; he had gone one way, and I had gone the other. Somehow, I'd find my way back to the car.  
Somehow, I'd figure out how to escape.


End file.
